


Goodbye to the One I Lost

by LadyCookieCupcake



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Curious granddaughter, F/M, Older reader, One Shot, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Probably terrible but oh well, Really shouldn't write this when I'm tired, Sad Reader, Theme was 'goodbye', Written for a contest on DeviantArt, hope ya like it, quite sad, younger reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 01:46:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6780277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCookieCupcake/pseuds/LadyCookieCupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your granddaughter asks for a story about her grandfather, you're happy to tell her it...until you actually start the story.</p><p>*</p><p>First Person POV<br/>Bucky Barnes x (f) Reader</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye to the One I Lost

_When I first met him, I was at the World Exposition of Tomorrow with my two best friends (Bonnie and Connie, were their names), and they had left me alone to go off with two men. When they arrived by the other two girls, I was quite far away, admiring an exhibit when I had so happened to turn and witness the scene._  
  
_I can still remember noting how different they looked; 'like polar opposites', I had thought. One had been quite tiny, physically anyway, but although he gave off the image of a shy boy, when he spoke, he spoke with the determined strength of a man who wanted to do something with his life. He was...truly magnificent, and the more I think about it, the more I come to realise that the destiny of which took hold of him should not have been so surprising. It was as if he were born for such a fate, well, he was certainly made for it._  
  
_The other one, another male, was taller, broader even, and had darker hair whereas the tinier one had fairer hair. He held himself with all the arrogant exertion of a billionaire flaunting his money, his smirk showed evident smugness, and the second I laid my eyes on him I knew I would hate him. He was, to put it quite bluntly, an absolute arse._  
  
("Mother!" "What?" "What's an arse?" "Nothing, honey. Nothing at all.")  
  
_As I was saying, so I was feeling just a little lucky my friends had decided these boys - because that was really all they were, boys mascaradeing as men - were worth more, because as much as the small boy was pleasing, the taller boy was not. So I stayed far away from them all, admiring the exhibits and reading the little paragraphs explaining what each and every one of them were. Although at first quite lonesome, I eventually started liking it because, bless their souls, as lovely as they were, my friends did not enjoy such exibitations. They would have taken one look around and then we'd have left._  
  
_So I was glad, and when I finally met up with the group, not even the way the taller boy stared at me could disrupt my peace, until he spoke._

("Mothe-." "Shh, honey, Mama's storytelling." Huff.)

 _"Hi," was all he had said as he held out his hand, the little quirk of his lips so different to his earlier smug smirk. It was quite...refreshing and I could've sworn my heart had jumped a beat, but that couldn't have been right. Hearts don't skip unless you're in love, and I certainly was not! Especially not with this boy. So I politely shook his hand - because that is what you must do, be polite, regardless of how you feel about them - and then I turned to Connie and announced I was going to take my leave. I was getting quite tired, so I was quite eager to get to bed._  
  
_Connie had not been listening, to interested in admiring the image that was James 'Bucky' Barnes, so I left with the hope they did not worry...too much. But I had taken none of two steps when a firm grip had paused my walking, and I had been forced to turn to look up into the earnest face of Bucky. He had looked so desperate when he had asked if he could walk me home, 'for your safety' he had explained, that although I did not like him, I found myself quite unwillingly nodding and letting him walk beside me._  
  
_I did not need to look behind me to see Connie had been angry, but I found myself not caring. Apparently the mere presence of him had lulled me to a feeling of safety, and as odd as it may seem, I was quite content to walk in silence. When I finally arrived at home, he had simply smiled and left only when I had firmly closed the door._  
  
_I went to bed that night with the image of his smiling face still imprinted within my mind, and the confusion of a first time crush. Of course I did not know this at the time, and had merely passed it off as a side effect of eating something I should not have._  
  
("And then what, Grandma?" "Calm down, sweetie. I'm getting there.")  
  
_The next time I saw him was just a couple of days after, and I had been walking back from the butcher's. I had managed to spraggle a great bargain out of the man, and was quite happy with my achievement of the day, that I had not anticipated the man walking my way until I bumped straight into him. With the speed of a viper, the man had reached out and caught me before I fell. However, I had dropped the meat, and I was quite angry about that._  
  
_Determined to let this man know of my anger, I had turned to him, mouth open, ready for a shouting match, when- I noticed it was him, the man from the Fair before. Bucky Barnes. The Arrogant Man. But he did not look arrogant when he peered down at me, geniune concern filled his hazel eyes, and I was too taken aback to say much. All I could do was watch him kneel down, pick up the meat, dust off the tiny bit that had hit the ground, and then pass it to me, saying "There, brand new."_  
  
_I was too startled at the unexpected kindness to look up at him in disgust. This man, this smug man, was being incredibly kind to me. It felt wrong and yet...my heart skipped a couple of beats still, my eyes widening as he helped me up like a gentleman. I numbly thanked him, and he walked me home once again, never letting go off the rather heavy piece of meat until I was back home, and then with a smile and a farewell, he was gone._  
  
_Instead of going straight in, I had started quite wistfully after him, and before I could stop myself, I had called after him. Quickly - maybe a little too quickly, now that I think of it -, Bucky was turning and running back to me until he was in front of me again. "Yes?" He said, and I had to shake myself out of it because he did not know me, and yet all I had to do was call his name and he would come running. The idea that someone would come back to me made me happy, and before I realised it, I was stepping forward and leaning up to kiss him._  
  
_I didn't think of the consequences, I didn't think of anything. I just dove straight in and kissed him, it was both brilliant and terrifying, to not just me because a few seconds into the kiss, Bucky pulled back, his eyes wide and filled with shock. I hadn't known what had come over me, and I tried to apologise but....but all he did was shake his head, lean back down at me and kiss me. The kiss felt like forever, though I know it could have only been a minute or two at most, and without realising it, we had gone back inside my house-._

("Mother, please. She's ten." "Right...sorry." "No! No, I wanna know!")

  
_Let's just say your mother came not like after. You see, Bucky helped me make your mother, and I had been so happy. I can still remember thinking; 'This is the happiest I've been since I could remember', as I pulled him closer. That night, though short-lived, seemed like something out of a romance novel. It was excellent...and then..._  
  
("Grandma?" ... "Mother?")  
  
_And then he was gone. I woke up to find myself alone, and then nine months later your mother appeared. I hadn't been prepared, I was scared and alone and... Do not look so angry, my sweet girl. Your grandfather was a brilliant man, he left to help save the world. He was a hero, like in one of your comics. He was a hero, I was just a little sad is all, but I had your mother and she helped me._  
  
("Love you too, Mum.")  
  
_She made life easier, well, most of the times; the teen years were not easy. Don't stick your tongue out at me, (D/N)! I can see you!_

("Grandma, what happened to Grandad?")

_..._

_As I said, he went off to save the world, to give us a future. He...he..._

  
"Right, honey, it's getting quite late for your bedtime, and I think rest will do us all the world of good." (D/N) said, yawning as she stretched. Standing up from the armchair, she walked over to her young daughter and reached out a hand to help her up. "But Mum-." Her daughter groaned tiredly, even as she reached out and took her mother's hand, allowing her mother to hoist her up.  
  
"Eh! Don't 'but Mum' me. It was only supposed to be a short bedtime story anyway." She began, lightly tapping her ten-year-old girl's nose, "It's way past your bedtime, and we need to get up earlier tomorrow, remember? All of us." She gave her mother a pointed look, but she knew she wasn't listening. (Y/N) wasn't even looking at her, her eyes wide and distant, eyebrows knitted together as if she were remembering a memory too painful to comprehend.  
  
"Mum-." (GD/N) groaned again but her mother pointed to the entrance of the living room and said, "Bed. Now." The ten-year-old groaned and walked off, her stomps muted a little by the carpeted ground. Once her daughter was out of sight and earshot (which she knew by the shadow disappearing, since her daughter seemed to forget the position she always tried to 'hide' in was just in front of a lamp), she moved to sit beside her mother, and gently placed a hand over her mother's, trying not to startle her.  
  
Her mother took a deep breath in as she looked around, blinking before they landed on her daughter. A confused look appeared on her face, and she asked, "Where's (GD/N)?" (D/N) explained she'd gone to bed before suggesting she do the same. "Um, yes, of course. I'm quite tired anyway, and we've got to get up earlier tomorrow; we've got...Captain America to visit, huh?" Her tone took on a sad one, and (D/N) smiled sadly at her mother. "Yes, Mother. It'll be fine, don't worry, and hey! Maybe you could ask about-." The pointed look (Y/N) gave her made her halt, and she sighed as she stood up, gently dragging her mother up with her.  
  
"Come on." She said, and then she walked off, making sure her mother was safely in bed before leaving the room.  
  
( _And if she heard crying that night, she chose to ignore it, because while she could never understand the pain (Y/N) went through all the time she relived memory lane, she did understand her mother and she knew questioning her mother would only withdraw her mother even more. She was that kind of stubborn.)_  
  
So she ignored it, and when the next day came and there was a knock at the door, (D/N) let Steven Rogers in with a kiss to the lips and a warning that her mother wasn't quite herself that day. She explained how their daughter had asked about her grandfather again, and how (Y/N) had ended up crying herself to sleep again.  
  
Then she turned to face her daughter, who was bounding down the steps to her father. Neither were aware of the quick flash of saddened guilt before Steve's face was buried in the fair hair of his daughter, hiding the unshed tears because they would ever know.  
  
They would never know how much the sight of them broke his heart, always trying to be stronger for the youngest one of the family of four. They would never know how much he longed to just tell them all that had happened in their absence, of the people he'd met, of the things he'd seen...of Bucky. He wished he could tell (Y/N) what had really become of Bucky, of how he was for a long while, known as 'the Winter Soldier'.  
  
He wished he could promise to (Y/N) that her goodbye was said at the wrong time, because Bucky did disappear and he did die...but not from the fall, like (Y/N) had been told.  
  
(GD/N) pulled back to start exclaiming about all the fun things they would do that day, and Steve smiled, and when nobody was looking, he wiped his eyes and widened his smile a little because nobody would know, nobody could know.  
  
(Y/N)'s goodbye meant everything to the man she loved, though nothing to the man who lived 'till this very day.)


End file.
